What Does It Mean to Love Yourself?

Deconstructing the delicate dance between self-love and narcissism

Photo by Brad Lloyd on Unsplash

I frequently hear friends express a version of, “I’m putting myself first!” or “I’m learning to love myself!” It’s expressed as an accomplishment, something to strive for. The ethos of “self-love” or “self-care” looms large on the social media stage. On Instagram, glamour shots detail body positivity journeys; hashtags read: #loveyourself and #selflovejourney. On Twitter, you’ll find these and similar monikers: @selflove_club; @RadSelfLove; @LoveSelfGF (“GF” stands for “Gluten Free.)

In 2004, Dove launched its “Real Beauty” campaign after a study revealed only 2 percent of women participants considered themselves beautiful. To combat our collective self-disgust, we’ve placed emphasis on its perceived opposite: self-love. But aren’t these just different sides of the same coin? Both are “extreme self-preoccupation in the absolute sense,” which is how writer Anna Khachiyan defined narcissism.

I’m not judging; a sticker labeled “ME.” covers the apple on my MacBook. My daily thoughts, which waiver from how could anyone even bear to look at me? to I am too perfect for this world, suggest extreme self-preoccupation in the absolute sense. I’ll beat myself up for some perceived “freakish behavior,” then decide I’m the most…